Saturday, June 30, 2007

Giving In

I've been having suicidal thoughts and have been reading a lot of psych blogs today. I've incorporated both my own feelings and those of other survivors of abuse.
The original story appears here.

No matter how long she stayed in the water, Wendy couldn't wash away the feeling of self hate that stopped her from living life. It wasn't the matter of taking some pill the doctor said would make her become closer to normal. It wasn't the matter of listening to a therapist tell her that she'd never be normal, but here were some ways that she could act so she'd pass. Deep inside, Wendy knew she was dirty, ugly and unlovable.
"You can't wash away the filth on the inside," Wendy thought.
She would never be loved. She would always be used and abandoned, just as all men had always used and abandoned her. Starting when she was very young, she must have been created simply to fulfill the pleasure of others and never receive love in return. She was worthless. And now Ellen, whom she thought was her salvation from all the horror and sorrow that had come before, had apparently used and abandoned her too.
Wendy glanced down at the straight razor sitting on the edge of the tub.

1 comment:

Raine said...

What a sad story