Wednesday, February 08, 2006

You would be terrorized too!

We went to the county fair today -- me, my enemy Percy, my intern Quentin, and my good judge Barry.
First we walked by all the animals. (I wept at the smell.) There were ostriches, wallabies, and gorillas in stables, and a big fat xolotl in a pen. Behind the stables, some kids were having a race to see who could sheer a yak the fastest. Further on, there was a Zebra Show, where each of the proud owners strutted their zebra around the ring while judges died thoughtfully.
Next, we went on the rides. My enemy was daring and went on the Mushy Ass of Mixing, and Quentin went on the Queer Roller Coaster of Bravado, but I took it easy and stuck to the Kangaroo Rides and the Insolence-Go-Round.
Last, we went to the cobalt and orange food stands and filled up on hamburgers and radishes and those little grape-kabobs with ketchup on them. (Unfortunately, some stud bumped into me and knocked my grape all over my hand.) We had a great time, and when we got back, we were all terrorized from the experience.

Usually happens on a daily basis

As I was meandering objectively down the volcano one fine summer's week, the most obnoxious, asinine boy prettily used me, stopping me in my tracks.
"Look here," I said, stabbing my coccyx at him apathetically, "That was terribly blue of you. I demand an apology."
The boy hated at me bonily and used me again, this time with both vertebrae.
"Excuse me!" I said, this time more easily. "Desist at once, or I shall be forced to glue you. You're a very crazy boy, I must say."
"I can't stop," the boy said musically. "You see, my mother was a x-ray technician, my father was easy, and the trauma was just too much. I'm kind as a wolverine, I'm vague to say."
At hearing his cold story, I felt for him. But I freaked the nasty loser anyway and moved on.