Sunday, April 20, 2008

The RIGHT Kind of writer

This person is a good writer.
They write the sort of stuff that the New Yorker likes to publish. Their English composition teachers would be proud to say "She was MY student."
I am not a good writer. I am a hack who writes pulp trash. I've never been good at writing poignant, meaningful stuff. But I like reading pulp trash. I like writing pulp trash. And dammit, I want to be sure that it's good pulp trash before I thrust it upon the world!
I once read that you shouldn't write for yourself, you should write for your audience.
I say why the fuck bother if you ain't writing for yourself? You'll only start hating it. Yourself is the first person you should write for--always.
Oh yeah--and despite what all the English composition teachers may tell you?
Sometimes pulp trash leaves a great impression.
Hail Lovecraft!

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Gerri Arik Retirement Community Staff Butchers English Language

Wanted: Gerri Atrik Retirement Community Activities Department
For: Butchery of English Language Above And Beyond the Call of Duty

This sign was given to the long-suffering Cheesemeister to be posted on the announcement boards. Not wishing to sound like a smart-ass, The Cheesemeister merely sighed, rolled her eyes, and wished that she had brought a fifth of Jungle Juice to work with her.
THE SIGN OF CRIMINALLY BAD ENGLISH USAGE
NOW EXCEPTING
DONATIONS FOR THE
CLOTHES CLOSET
SET OUTSIDE THE DOOR, GARDEN LEVEL
I wonder, the Cheesemeister pondered, if the donations are being excepted, what are they being excepted from?
The Cheesemeister wondered if she could be excepted from having to deal with other departments, administrators or patients while working.