Mysterious Lily Strange Spotted at Stonehenge

The mysterious author Lily Strange was spotted at Stonehenge with her pet penguin Penguino today. It is reported that the peculiar pair were beamed there by a UFO piloted by the Alien Guy. Strange, reportedly, was hoping to "hook up with Mr. Spock," but Spock was advised by a certain mysterious hooded spectre holding a can of Whoop Ass that this would not be logical.

For the first time ever I am declared a genius!

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The Fruitcake Club

I've been depressed, but this humorous post about fruitcake cheered me up a bit. Here is the response I gave.

My father is trying to indoctrinate my son into the fruitcake club. No, not THAT fruitcake club, nor even the "nutty as a fruitcake" club, although my personal belief is that if you like fruitcake you are indeed certifiable. My son likes to cook and my father is hoping that my son and my mother will cook up a dandy Xmas fruitcake. I suppose it wouldn't be such an awful thing to humor dear old Dad--he's had a rather miserable three years since the stroke and if it's fruitcake he wants, perhaps it's fruitcake he should have. But my son will probably make faces at the smell of that ghastly candied fruit. That stuff is fit only for ghoulies, ghosties, and things that go bump in the night--and I know several ghosts who wouldn't touch it either!

What are your thoughts on fruitcake? Is it a maligned delicacy or merely malignant? Was it put on Earth by the Devil Himself to torture good Christian souls on their favorite holiday? Or is it some sort of alien creation like the pyramids and Stonehenge are rumored to be by the UFO-philes? Whatever the case, I am frightened of it. It looks like a block of mold. The only good fruitcake I ever had left out the horrific candied fruit and replaced it with maraschino cherries and Brazil nuts. That was not Satan fruitcake, as is the majority of fruitcake. That was angelic fruitcake.

That's your lesson for today, Kiddies. Be good for goodness sake. Or not only will Santa Claus call you out, but if you're run over by a reindeer walking home from someone's house on Christmas Eve, you will be eating fruitcake in hell for all eternity.

If the clergy really wanted to get people into church, they'd forget all this talk about premarital sex and promiscuity. They'd be preaching about eternal damnation complete with daily fruitcake rations. Now that's enough to scare anybody into devotion!

I think it might be fun to come up with some hellish holiday tales. Maybe I'll have a contest of some kind. Since I'm broke I don't know what the prize will be other than the love and admiration of your fellow contestants. But perhaps something will strike me and jar my brain out of its comatose state e'er the holiday season is o'er. After all, there has to be something fun about this stressful pair of months following my and Alice Cooper's favorite holiday!

Silent Sibling Rivalry

The picture that goes with this latest effort can be found here. If you're not tired or proud, or if you're tired and not proud, or if you're just plain bored, feel free to add to it.

Kimi desperately wished that her sister Nita would tell her wretched little goblin of a son to get his ill-behaved butt off the table before Aunt Kimi went Samurai on his ass. At the same time, Nita was thinking what dreadfully stuffy little prigs Kimi's children were and it was all she could do to keep from smacking them upside the heads with a bo-stick to get some sort of a reaction out of them.

Just happens to be my favorite season

You Are Fall!

Thoughtful Expressive Creative Poetic Smart

What Season Woman Are You?

I feel a bit brain dead tonight so I'm doing these things

The return of Indie

Indie is back. So here is the first short-short story I've been able to write in awhile. Remember, you can add to it if you want!
Missi went to one of THOSE schools where art and writing were sneered at and only science and math were respected. The only place she could find to draw was in the girls' bathroom at lunch. This worked pretty well until the one day when Priscilla the Math Club Queen walked in on her.
"Ooooh, I'm gonna TELLL!!!!" Priscilla cried.
Being caught involved in artistic expression was far worse than being caught smoking in the bathroom. Even being caught smoking crack would have been better than this. Missi was doomed.

When I'm feeling low (which I have been for the past day) I start feeling sorry for myself, wishing that when I put out a piece like this people would actually participate like they do at Doug's or Indie's blogs. I'm not begrudging them their popularity, they fully deserve it. Sometimes I revel in being a big scary freak with red eyes and blood dripping from my fangs and claws. Other times I kind of wish that people would mistake me for cute and cuddly...at least until I was able to get them into my web of deceit and eat their intestines for lunch.

This Shite is Driving Me Crazy!

It's probably really nitpicky and anal of me, but this sign at work is driving me crazy. The name of the program is "Every Time I Feel The Spirit." I think the intent was to write "Ev'ry Time I Feel the Spirit" to make it seem more folksy, but instead they wrote "Eve'y Time I Feel The Spirit." Well, now ev'ry time I see that sign I cringe!

Would you pronounce that "Evie" or "Evay?"

This drives me slightly less nut's than people who put apostrophe's where apostrophe's don't belong, making word's that shouldn't be possessive possessive.

One of the more glaring examples of this was on a sign in front of a restaurant indicating that the breakfast special was "Ham and Egg's." I kept wondering "Ham and the Egg's what??"

In spite of being perfect in eve'y other way, I do have a bit of trouble knowing when to use its and when to use it's. I usually use the motto "when in doubt leave it out" with apostrophes and let my editor figure it out. I can tolerate a dropped apostrophe. But an added apostrophe where there shouldn't be an apostrophe is just plain aggravating!