Saturday, May 24, 2008

Lying To Myself

What a horrible feeling, having actually written a book but coming to the distressing realization that so many people write far better than me. I realized after the book was published that what I write is actually pulp trash, and while I enjoy pulp trash, it's kind of a come down to realize that I'm not truly a good writer.
It's too bad I have no other skills or interests. I once wanted to be a psychotherapist but I didn't think that crazy people could do that, and I'm too old now.
It sucks knowing that in truth I have nothing of interest to say and my writing will never make the difference that I wished it would.
It sucks realizing that I am worthless.


Tom & Icy said...

You really are a very good writer and wrote some great chapters in your book, but the subject matter turned me off, I mean metal music and mythic gods. The comedy stuff on your blogs works, but when you try to get serious about them, it appears ridiculous. But there are people out there that like that stuff and you have to find them and reach out to them, I guess.

Lily Strange said...

Well, thanks for your honesty. I don't think the comedy stuff appeals to most people. The thing is with the book I was giving voice to a person who would not otherwise have a voice any more and trying to create awareness about the appalling way he was treated, both in life and in death. The imagery and the "scene" surrounding heavy metal is pretty much exaggerated and ridiculous, but I love listening to it. A lot of the stuff in the book is actual history and it was posthumously told in a fictionalized way from a person who was actually there--whether you or anyone else believes that or not, I do. As to the mythic deities, we both have beliefs in them and enjoy studying the cultures they came from, although we've become convinced that they're more akin to big nature spirits and that there is a creator force which gives rise to all souls, whether they incarnate or not.
So I guess I can't put you down for a copy of the book we've been working on then. We have something like 2500 pages of material. There's several books in there and they will be published just to spite everybody. One of his alter egos really enjoys the feeling of spiting people from beyond the grave. Or maybe spitting on them. Knowing him, probably both.

Lily Strange said...

I have to admit I really get a hurt feeling though because I thought you were enjoying the book.
I don't think that the subject matter is ridiculous. Maybe I'm just a tard.