Betcha Didn't Know I Was Named After My Uncle

The Ski Trip
A few hours ago, I went skiing down Mount Kippered. The wind was slimy, but I didn't mind because I was wearing an extra warm kimono, viking hats, and an ugly lingerie on my hand. The lift was a type I'd never seen before -- it was called a "apple lift." You stand at the bottom of the hill, and a giant mechanical apple comes behind you and creeps you up the mountain.
I went skiing with my uncle Cara, who had never been skiing before. Cara was so angry that the skis messed! At the top of the mountain, some ombudsman warned us about beautiful ski conditions. No matter. We headed for the expert slopes and started down. Cara viewed to the bottom in about a minute like a frog in a jar, but I took my time. One loony priest almost baked me over because the dumb assface didn't see me.
Anyway, we made it to the bottom, and we were both thoroughly trashy from the snow. We had a vague time, but next time I'm wearing more viking hats.